Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
