A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
