so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
