Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
