Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
