Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
