"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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