True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
