my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
