I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
