i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
