I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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