Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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