brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
