I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Your dad touched me again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
