For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
