I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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