8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My liver just had a heart attack.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
