His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Found the puke drawer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
