come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
