so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
