I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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