You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
