The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
