I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
