I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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