Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
