Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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