just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
