So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
