It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
