my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
