call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
