i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
