yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
