i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
