i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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