So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
