once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
