i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
