the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
