Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
