So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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