ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
