If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
