Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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