I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
