made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
