Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
