Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
