Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
