Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
