Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
