his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
