Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
