You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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