took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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