guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
